Abusive Memories, Pushed-Asides, Stand-Alones

Are things always as we recall, or how we experience the feelings of recall? You be the Jury.

For all those who've felt pushed-aside in life, and suffer unusual consequences

For all those who suffer unusual consequences

Whether those are believed or not - or are simply unbelievable


When I was young I used to wonder if I'd fall through some crack suddenly opening up before my feet.

Who knows what may have emerged then from the depths, through some unbalanced development, or inappropriate kindling of those childhood fears?

I thank my stars that no-one tried pushing me off in the direction of some shrink, or a tightly shrink-wrapped ideology.

Or shovelled sugar-coated pills in my direction as a cure-all for life. Damaging temporarily or irrevocably in the process.

All I needed was to do things my way and have those ways accepted, however people might think them unwise, or pretty damn weird.

With hindsight, some weren't such bad ways at all. Just ordinary give-and-take, getting on with things, generally trying to be fair and not get overly put-upon.

We didn't think we could (or should) have everything, or know everything.

Maybe, as I got older and increasingly left-behind or pushed-aside, the cracks could appear in me.

Cracks in the system
Other people had different ideas about their own importance in the scheme of things.

As I did job after boring job as best I could, watching others make mountains out of molehills riding high on backs of others, I pondered greatly, never realising that in becoming more of a stay-behind, a pushed-aside, it might later manifest in internal cracks and schisms.

Lest you think it was always a case of my being discouraged or put-down, I should explain I had a good education with good expectations.

When one reaches fortyish and jobs grow scarce, when one is treated more like a twenty-year-old than at twenty & still special, it's a long-haul to retirement age with little new of interest, challenging or special enough to make a buzz.

Fortunate to leave the rat-race with its mazes and cracks, I can re-assemble as I want or need. No questions asked - that's the best bit!

Need to know
I am not discounting other people's experiences.

I do wonder whether some people, pushed-aside in some sense or another, find that cracks from earlier or later from whatever source, lead to images and sensations that they just don't understand.

Nor truth be told, do others know how things really are - for themselves and certainly not for others.

We live in a world of generalisation and discrimination, seeking something or someone to compare notes with.

'This person had this experience, that person had that: I need to know why I feel this way.'

If we're lucky, some of those notes will mesh.

True or false?
Much is made of the fact that people often remember things skewiff.

That does not mean how we remember something is all right or all wrong. It's not like an old film getting re-wound, except for some odd breaks and blips.

We do our best to sort what probably happened from what didn't, while wondering why we did something or became involved.

If I remember this thing happening and I obviously must have done that thing, was the one because of the other? I always thought so.

But how can that be, if I didn't know that person then, or hadn't been there yet?

People present at the same event have different experiences and perspectives that can make it seem another one altogether.

Or they simply tint or taint our own memories.

Families have a joint psychic reality, and thus affect each other more than strangers. Things never discussed can have a profound effect nonetheless.

Friends and colleagues develop a group attitude, which is why it takes a while to get into the groove.

If we live in a climate where unusual intra-psychic occurrences are attributed to war, or poverty, physical trauma, emotional or sexual abuse, bullying, or basically not being properly understood, we are likely to think in those terms.

These days it is more accepted that neglect in childhood is experienced as actually being abusive or traumatic. It feels it, though is not the same as being physically beaten.

What about abuse or neglect as people grow older, and when emotions get combined or plaited in with other events, losses, inequalities and regrets?

It stands to reason. But humans are not rational. We just pretend to be.

Can we really make assumptions about another person?

What is an expert?
An expert can be qualified and experienced in a particular field. Likely there is some framework within which they place information and decide what to do.

Right or wrong. Rightly or wrongly.

Some people are qualified in more than one field which gives breath and breadth to their outlook.

Experts tend to polarise in their views and the way they work. So who is right then?

Research into counselling and psychotherapy indicates that the quality of relationship with a client has the most effect on the process or outcome. That makes sense surely.

Some practitioners are sought out by clients who have heard of their approach and feel it appropriate for themselves. Could that become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Or clients enter the arena and find themselves facing certain expectations on the part of a therapist or helper, regarding the likely forerunner to current distress.

Could that become a therapist-fulfilling prophecy?

Clients who are vulnerable and confused by things they are feeling, can end up worse because of interventions or assumptions that are simply not appropriate for them.

Isn't it all a bit of trial and error? Be careful how you experiment with people!

An old-fashioned doctor may dish out pills because he thinks a battered wife is basically neurotic, or mentally or behaviourally flawed. Anyway the pills will calm her down.

A therapist may deliberately or inadvertently attempt to fit clients into a framework or theory, such as child abuse, or ritual abuse. They could be right, though less often than they convince themselves of.

Both practitioners think they are doing the best for their clients. After all, isn't any 'solution' better than nothing-at-all? For whom?

Well, the person is better able to move on in their life. Really?

World views
I hold no allegiance to those who deny experiences that some people describe.

True, not all experiences are necessarily a hundred percent 'real' in the same sense, physically recordable blow by blow.

Others find some experiences too hard to credit. Either they don't have have them, or they can't accept the possibility into their own worldview.

A lot of infighting goes on between people's differing worldviews.

Perhaps there'd be too much back-tracking to see where they may have gone wrong in their thinking.

Or they wrote a book they can't rescind, or there's some career-cred they will lose altogether.

A survival need then:

Psychological if it's just plain difficult. Physical if they really need the pennies.

Face-saving if it's their credibility at stake. Oh, how we hate that in our worldview!

Crazy or evil?
I had a friend who told me what happened to her, carried out by people she knew.

For various reasons she generally could not evade them.

Often she did not recognise them when they came a-calling on cult-nights.

Was she crazy? Not in that sense.

Did they make her crazy? Sometimes.

Was she evil? Could be she was.

Were they evil? They probably had reasons to act that way. Like coercion.

Was I scared of them? Not much.

Was I scared of her? I think I would have been, if she were to turn against me.

Those people who manipulated and harmed my so-malleable, oft-unaware friend, were somehow scared of her.

Angels or demons
Sometimes my friend rocked the boat. It was hard to see why 'they' didn't just finish her off, as they often threatened.

'They' let her talk to me. There were other personalities in her psyche who revealed things that they probably shouldn't.

Were those demons? On meeting opposition they would fizzle or implode. Guess I was lucky there then.

Often they, or whatever, claimed to be higher souls and to know my path and future. A ploy you don't fall for too often.

Sometimes my friend was clear, what she called being on-track. She realised what was happening.

Then she forgot, bombarded by loud noises and scary things.

Did things really happen to her? As far as I can tell.

What happened if she was left alone? She felt and behaved pretty much like anyone else.

Could these things happen to anyone? You don't have to believe so:

You are a free agent. She was not.

Did I come in contact with 'them'? Well I kept their wacky emails. Saying I had no demons to call on. For what?

And they had their photos on the Internet.

How would I cope with what my friend did? Not well at all -

If at all.

'Their' worldview
They thought the world was coming to an end. A cult-like belief system.

They knew a lot about manipulating and scaring people.

If that didn't work, they had information - 'the goods' - on them anyway.

They believed in demons that they could call on.

They thought they had ultimate protection from bad things.

Like the end of the world, pestilence and stuff.

While treating my friend with contempt and severe abuse, they believed she had the quality of ultimate protection. They wanted that.

They believed she could harm them or their family members. And they feared that.

Who was my friend?
Who was my friend, really? Was she several personalities?

Did they put some of them in there? Probably, to suit themselves.

Did she adhere to the cult belief system? Did which parts of her adhere?

Would she do bad things for them? She did not generally do or say bad things on her own behalf.

Could she stand up to them? Sometimes, if she knew.

What happened if she did? They punished her.

Was she scared of them? Sometimes.

Did they try to get rid of her real soul? It surely seemed that way.

Mostly it was as if it was all new to her. Except for the feeling that 'it's all starting again'.

What took them so long? Maybe because I was around to interfere.

What about DID?
My friend was naturally dissociative, probably made worse because of a traumatic childhood.

The cult made use of that, forming close (too close) relationships that she was so desperate for, or could not refuse.

And implanted more personality parts to suit their agenda.

What was their agenda? Control, over her, and more widely in the local area.

Why did no-one notice? Could be they were a part of it, on one side or the other.

It's amazing what can go on virtually under people's noses. Could be they didn't believe what they were seeing.

Or they did believe or know. But thought they could do nothing anyway.

Or they were on the sidelines, not actively involved.

Maybe just having bills paid, in exchange for information on my friend's whereabouts.

Being trained or coerced in new ways to confuse her.

Like her therapist who would not let go. And another woman who knew more of psychology than I ever will.

Why did they need those skills if all they'd do was brutalise?

What about ritual abuse?
Some people believe it happens a lot.

Some people believe it happens rarely, usually as part of something else, like drugs, prostitution etc.

Some people have these things happening to them now, with or without the ritual element. And they can't stop it.

Some people do manage to get away. But that is not easy. Not impossible though.

Some people denigrate the whole subject, as if it's too silly or a bad joke.

Some people get super-sceptical, making that a skeptical profession. Not very professional. Is it?

Some people (perhaps you are one of those) try to find out reasons why:

Some people do bad things to people, that others make into a deniable or laughable matter. But it does matter!

Some people think that these bad things happened to them personally, when there could be other factors making them feel, literally, that all of them did:

Like really bad experiences in childhood, that make even more things come welling up through the 'cracks' in their psyche.

Or generally bad life experiences, or being a 'pushed-aside person' later on in life, when equally the cracks can crack.

Letting through those awful nasties in our natural psyches. Because we all have some that it may not be in our interests to keep prodding.

The harm we can do to ourselves, let alone to people around us who care, can be immeasurable and irrevocable.

We need to look at why the majority of sufferers are middle-class, white females.

There is a middle-age aspect to some cases too, in people who have hitherto shown no signs of such ailments.

Some people know how to crack psyches open. I haven't worked out why, except it is to destroy, damage or control.

Sometimes the very act of psychotherapy or empathy even, can induce beliefs or behaviour in certain people.

No-one knows the answer to these either. We should not aim to ignore all we cannot explain. Or embellish in a vain attempt to explain, or pretend we know more than we do.

I came across a book 'C.G. Jung The Haunted Prophet' by Paul J. Stern, while wondering how much credence to give a psychiatrist who had a lot of inner experiences that many of us do not.

Read it and see, particularly Chapter 8 'Journey to the Underworld'. Jung often appears uncomfortable with people simply following his ideas which changed considerably over the years. At other times he seems to think the rest of us need to go through the same experiences.

Don't let people fool you into their own ways, or into those of others, however learned.

You pays your money and you takes your choice. If you are able to, and were born into the 'right culture'.

We won't always know what's real. Nor do others know what is real or relevant for us. Or what to do about it.

So don't just follow. Work things out.

Try books by Peter Levenda, some available via cheap instant Kindle download.



I found this very interesting. There is a particular culture that I read about which suggests this can happen when people get ignored or invalidated, dissed in current terminology. It is a put-down or rejection, and is experienced as very real pain.

Over the last few years I have taken an interest in counselling and therapy, where people actually seem to get worse. Wouldn’t you rather have some control over your own life, even if that does mean standing-alone or getting pushed-aside sometimes? I know I would!

Experts simply do not agree, supporting the adage that there are (at least) 2 sides to every question. That is what debate is for, so people can make up their own minds i.e. they get a vote, and others vote how they want. People can change their minds too or have them changed, not necessarily deliberately but just by people who influence us with their own different views, experiences or memories.

Some medication can be helpful in some situations for some people. But it is known to make some so confused they are unable to sort out what happened from what they dreamt, or from what they fear the most. Sadly this can be further befuddled by therapy. Sometimes one can be helped by another person, not necessarily someone trained. If something is not the right support for you, you would do better with your own help in your own time.

We need a broader perspective, being prepared to stand-alone in our own minds for as long as it needs to regain equilibrium. We all have our ‘blips’ and are entitled to them, and are all likely to have experienced being pushed-aside, as opposed to managing to stand-alone.

Cindy Allen
Find Cynthialysis on Youtube

Full version of this Blog with updates is at: www.midground.me.uk (new link)

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