Mediation or Reconciliation?

Full version of this Blog with updates is at Midground: http://toukanalia.50megs.com

Project Middle Ground was started in America by Dr Paul Simpson a therapist who wrote Second Thoughts: Understanding the false memory crisis and how it could affect you.

Perhaps Dr Simpson's approach of working with families involved in the controversy is not directly applicable in the UK, but that does not mean there may not be an approach that suits our culture better. See SOME BOOKS listed below in this posting.

Various academics at UK universities have written papers about bridging what might seem an impossible divide. Sadly people tend to fight a particular corner, but Dr Simpson showed that it is possible to try for a middle ground, with some considerable effect. Type into Google for the UK:

middle ground false memories

Several books shedding light on how some misunderstandings could have arisen have been written in America since 1995. It seems a pity to let all of that, plus what has been achieved in the UK, remain unattended for the most part.

Mediation - More Harm Than Good?

Mediation - More Harm Than Good?

It would be good to think that a responsible mediator, counsellor or impartial observer working with parties involved in a dispute or misunderstanding would be helpful in a reasonable proportion of situations.

As one might expect, experts tend to polarise - even in the field of mediation.

When problems relate to personal feelings and family situations, it is not going to be easy. Through watching Neighbours from Hell or being unfortunate yourself, you'll know that neighbours are not always terribly neighbourly - in fact terrible is an apt description.

Regarding allegations of abuse within the family, scroll down to the section on Counselling or Quackery (William Burgoyne) with reconciliation approaches to try from Mark Pendergrast's book Victims of Memory. A search on Google or Amazon will show a range of publications and views on mediation in general, or on specific aspects or approaches.

Narrative mediation sounds as though it could help here. People may also have to learn to accept a big difference in opinion over what actually happened, and to leave some issues in moratorium or a no-man's-land without resolution for the foreseeable future.

SOME BOOKS

Before Forgiving: Cautionary Views of Forgiveness in Psychotherapy ed. by Sharon Lamb, Jeffrie G. Murphy

Family Therapy in Britain ed. by Eddy Street, Windy Dryden

Forgiveness and the Healing Process: A Central Therapeutic Concern ed. by Cynthia Ransley, Terri Spy

Secrets in the Family by Lily Pincus, Christopher Dare

The Secret Life of Families by Evan Imber-Black

The Trouble with Blame: Victims, Perpetrators and Responsibility by Sharon Lamb

You Can Go Home Again by Monica McGoldrick

I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation by Laura Davis 'maps the reconciliation process through first-person stories of people who have mended relationships in a wide variety of circumstances. In these pages, parents reconcile with children, embittered siblings reconnect, angry friends reunite, and war veterans and crime victims meet with their enemies... Davis explains how people can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past hurts.'

Note: Laura Davis co-authored The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Although it has been helpful to survivors of abuse, it has recently been the subject of controversy. We feel the views and research in I Thought We'd Never Speak Again are worth considering.

If you have suggestions to make on how people may proceed - with or without help from outside, then please do!